Doritos Unleashes Silent Crunches

In a world where the crunch of a Dorito can measurably impact a gamer’s performance, PepsiCo has decided to play the hero we never knew we needed. Introducing “Doritos Silent,” the latest AI tech marvel designed to save you from the cacophony of mastication.

Yes, you heard that right. After analyzing more than 5,000 crunches over six months of what I can only imagine were grueling hours of crunching, munching, and audio analyzing, PepsiCo’s snack scientists have birthed software that uses AI to silence the sound of your snacking sins. Because, let’s face it – the only thing worse than being fragged by a twelve-year-old in Fortnite is listening to him chomp on Doritos while he does it.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “But Shelly, the crunch is half the fun!” Fear not, crunch connoisseurs, for the sound of your own Dorito demolition remains intact; it’s just others whose oral orchestras will be muted.

Fernando Kahane, PepsiCo’s global marketing head, waxed poetic about the “undeniable” bond between Doritos fans and the gaming community, and sure, nothing says “I’m a serious gamer” like a fine dusting of nacho cheese on your controller, but let’s call this what it is: a bold move to keep Doritos as the snack of choice for gamers… without the collateral damage of crunch-induced rage quits.

As we stand on the precipice of a new era, where the crunch is personal and the silence is shared, one has to wonder: what’s next? Will PepsiCo invent a soda that burps silently? A Cheeto that doesn’t leave evidence on your fingertips? Only time will tell.

Until then, game on, crunch unafraid, and remember: use cases for AI are only limited by your imagination.

Author’s note: This is not a sponsored post. I am the author of this article and it expresses my own opinions. I am not, nor is my company, receiving compensation for it. This work was created with the assistance of various AI models, including but not limited to: GPT-4, Bard, Claude, Midjourney, Stable Diffusion, and others.

About Shelly Palmer

Shelly Palmer is the Professor of Advanced Media in Residence at Syracuse University’s S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications and CEO of The Palmer Group, a consulting practice that helps Fortune 500 companies with technology, media and marketing. Named LinkedIn’s “Top Voice in Technology,” he covers tech and business for Good Day New York, is a regular commentator on CNN and writes a popular daily business blog. He's a bestselling author, and the creator of the popular, free online course, Generative AI for Execs. Follow @shellypalmer or visit



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